||Minnesota Jokes by Ole|
Often in Minnesota here, we like to sit around da campfire up nort at da lake and tell some yokes. I bet you also haff some goot
ones about us! Ole tells some perty tall tales and ve like to laff at his stories. He's a big ol' kidder doncha ya know!
Do you have a good Sven & Ole Joke? Ole and Lena? How about with 3 or all 4 of them in it? We would absolutely
love to hear from you! Please email us your Minnesota Joke today!
Submitted by floundering1001
Lena was getting tired of drying clothes, after scrubbing them in the Knife River, by holding them in the wind.
One day she told Ole she had enough and to go to Two Harbors and buy her a dryer.
So Ole put down his beer and went to town. Not knowing which type of dryer to buy he stopped at the Moose Club
to ask his buddies. After a lot of discussion and a few more beers he left and went to the hardware store.
When he got home Lena was mad as he was gone all day and shouted "Vel, Ole did you git me da dryer"? Ole said "I
sure did and it vas not easy to pic out because there vere so many different ones? Lena then asked where it was.
Ole handed her a paper bag and said "Here it is, nylon and 50 feet ov it"?
Submitted by Bruce G. Johnson
So, Ole, Lena, Sven, & Lars walk into a bar. The bartender looks them over & says "What is this, a
So, Ole leaves Duluth to get a job as a chauffer driving a huge limosine in New York City. The Pope arrives
at the airport and Ole picks him up. The Pope wants to do the driving. Ole says that's against company
rules, but eventually gives in. The Pope is a terrible driver, he goes up on the sidewalk, he doesn't
stop to pay the parking lot toll, it isn't three minutes before a policeman pulls him over. The policeman
sees right away that he has a problem on how to hand out the ticket, so he calls his supervisor down at
the station & says "I need help in how to give a ticket to someone here who's really important." "Is it
the Mayor?" "No, more important than the Mayor?" "Is it the Senator?" "No, more important than the
Senator." "Well, then who is it?" Policeman says "I'm not sure. I don't recognize him, but he's got the
Pope driving for him."
These 3 - Submitted by ESHDave
Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church.
Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole
went on Christmas and Easter and once in awhile, he
went on one of the other Sundays. On one of those
Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he
noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.
Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned
forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go
to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he
polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up
and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm.
When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said,
"Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then
he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Lena,"
said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"
Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and
vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs Motel. He'd struck out
twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.
Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there
across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in
The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed,
her gray curls on the pillow.
"Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole.
He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said
Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"
"Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke and
drink to have a good time!"
Vel, Ole and Lena finally got married, and Ole was driving her to St. Paul
for the honeymoon.
"Ole," says Lena, "give me a kiss."
"No," says Ole, "somebody might see."
"Nobody vill see," says Lena, "and besides, we're married now."
"No, Lena," says Ole, "somebody might see."
"Ole," says Lena, "I vant a kiss and I vant it now! Stop this car and park
it. Ve'll get out and crawl under the car and then nobody vill see!"
"Vat if somebody comes by?" asks Ole.
"Yust tell them you're checking the clutch!" yells Lena, and Ole knows he'd
better stop right then or there will be trouble.
Vell, vun ting leads to another, and Ole and Lena are under the car for quite
awhile ven He is so happy that his eyes are shut, and then Ole feels a hand
on his shoulder. It vas Lars!
"Ole!" says Lars. "Vat the heck are you doing?"
"Go avay, Lars," says Ole. "I'm checking the clutch."
"Vell, you'd better check the brakes," says Lars, "because your car's rolled
fifty feet down the shoulder!"
Ole and Lena had Mr. and Mrs. Thorvald over for lutefisk. Lena knew that Mr.
Thorvald liked his lutefisk with lots of melted butter and black pepper.
After the company had gone home, Lena made a terrible discovery. She had
served Mr. Thorvald gunpowder instead of black pepper!
Vell, it vas too late to call or go over, so Lena lay awake all night
vorrying. Early the next morning she called the Thorvalds.
"Oh, Mr. Thorvald," said Lena, "I've done a terrible ting. Last night I
served you gunpowder instead of black pepper vith the lutefisk."
"Oh, tank God!" said Mr. Thorvald. "Dot explains it all!"
"Explains vat?" asked Lena.
"Vell, ven ve got home, I bent over to untie my shoe, and I shot the cat!"
Submitted by Jim
Lars and Ole, are being processed through Ellis Island after
arriving in the United States,... during the Industrial
Revolution. The procedure includes questions concerning
skills which the candidates possessed from the old country.
Lars, being interviewed first, was asked if he had any
Heavy Machine or Mechanical skills practiced in Sweden. He
replied, "Ya,...Ya, I vork in Vemons Panty Factory,...
running sewing machine, und my yob vas installink der
elastik en der vaist band, und sewing in der crotch. The
interviewer,.....unimpressed and frowning, asked Ole,.. what
if any experience he might have,..... working in the
Heavy Machine Environment. Ole responded with, " Ya, Ya,
....I vork in same panty factory as Lars, .....but am Diesel
Fitter". The interviewer smiled and nodded indicating a
marked approval, and continued to ask Ole what his tasks
consisted of, "Vell I stand next to Ole by his sewing
machine,.. und slip der panties over my head and say, ......
Yaa,..... "DEESE UL FIT HER"............
Submitted by Jim
Ole and Sven were playing golf when Sven pulled out a cigar but didn't
have a lighter. So he asked Ole for a light.
"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied and reached into his
golf bag and pulled out a 12-inch BIC lighter.
"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, "Vhere did yew get dat monster??"
"Vell," replied Ole, "I got it from my Genie."
"You haff a genie?" Sven asked.
"Ya, shure, he's right here in my golf bag," said Ole.
"Could I see him?"
Ole opens his golf bag and out pops the genie.
Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of yur master. Vill yew grant
me vun vish?"
"Yes I will", the genie said.
So Sven asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the
golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a
million ducks flying overhead is heard.
Sven yells to Ole, "I asked for a million bucks, not DUCKS!"
Ole answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew, da genie is hard
uf hearing. Do yew really tink I asked him for a 12-inch BIC?"
Submitted by Dawn
There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there was
a down pour of thunder and rain. Sven and Ole ran for
about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just
as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed
down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger window
and tapped lightly on the window! Ole screamed out,
"YUMPIN YIMINEES! Look out da vindow Sven!!! Dere's an old guy's face dere!"
(Was this a ghost!?!?!?) This old man kept knocking, so Sven
said "Vell open da window a little and ask him vat he vants!"
So Ole rolled his window down part way and said, scared
out of his wits, "Vat do you Vant???" The old man softly replied, "You
have any tobacco?" Ole, terrified, looked at the driver and
said, "He vants tobacco!"
"Vell, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" Sven replies. So he fumbles
around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells "Shtep
on it!!!", rolling up the window in terror. Now going about 80 miles an
they calm down and they start laughing again, and Ole says,
"Vat do you tink of dat?" Sven says, "I don't know? How could
be? I was going perty fast, but don't vorry, the Speedometer says 80 now."
Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is the
old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaa, dere he is again!", Ole yells.
"Vell, see what he vants now!" yells Sven.
Ole rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks. Sven throws a
lighter out of the window at him and rolls up the window and yells,
"I'M SHTEPPING ON IT!"
They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer,
trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden
again, there is more knocking!
"Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out,
"VAT DO YOU VANT NOW?" in stark terror.
The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?
Ole valks into a pharmacy and vanders up and down da
aisles ... the salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for Lena.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking
for tampons for your wife?".
He answers, "Yu see, it goes like dis. Yesterday, I sent
Lena to da store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she
came home vith a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers.
So, I figured dat if I haff to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!"
Submitted by Gordy
Ole & Lars were talking one afternoon. Ole tells Lars, "You know, I tink
I'm ready fer a little vacation. But dis year I vant ta do sum'ting
De last few years, I took yer suggestions about vere ta go.
Tree years ago you said I should go ta Hawaii an' I did ....an' Lena got
De nex year ya said ta go ta dem dere Bahamas... an' Lena got pregnant agin.
And last year ya tol' me ta go ta Tahiti. Sure 'nough, Lena got pregnant
Dis year I vant ta go ta someplace cheaper so I can bring her vith me, by
Submitted by Gordy
Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall
meeting as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't
ya know it, they didn't win a prize in the monthly draw. That is until the
Sven was the first one of the three to get his name drawn. He won
two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles, and three
pounds of Swedish meatballs.
Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to
Duluth, a nights stay at the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of tickets to see
the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven.
Lars was the last one to have his name drawn, he won a toilet brush.
At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out
how each other had fared for the past month. Sven said "Uff da, I had
dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to
buy food for dem dere tree days."
Ole said "Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The
trip up to Dulut was nice, we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know,
they got a built in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger Triplets,
if I didn't know better, I would swear dey were sisters."
Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out. Lars
looks at them both and says "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I
tink I'll go back to using paper."
Submitted by Sandy
Sven and Ole were vacationing and attended their first fair. The first
thing to catch Sven's eye is the big double Ferris wheel. "Oh, Ole," he
says, "vould you look at dat. I've always vanted to go on von of dose
big Ferris veels. Let's go ride on dat von."
Ole, not being near as adventurous as Sven says, "Oh, I don't tink so.
Dat looks kind of dangerous to me."
"Vell," says Sven, "you give me yust von good reason vhy you von't go
vit me on dat ride." Ole couldn't come up with a good reason so up they
went. Ole had to admit after the ride that it was kind of fun. After
another 10 or 15 minutes they came to the roller coaster. "Oh Ole,"
says Sven, "Vould you look at dat. Dat's von fine looking roller
coaster. I tink ve should go for a ride on dat."
"Oh, I don't tink so." says Ole. "Dat looks very dangerous to me."
"Vell," says Sven. "You give me yust von good reason vhy you von't go
vit me on dat roller coaster." Again Ole couldn't come up with a good
reason so they both went up on the roller coaster. Ole had to admit
after the ride that it wasn't so bad. After another 10 minutes or so,
they came to the bungee jump "Oofdah!" exclaimed Sven. "Vill you yust
look at dat, Ole. Dose people yump off dat big tower vit nuttink but a
rubber band tied to dare ankles. Dat looks like so much fun. Come on,
let's go do it."
Oh, I don't tink so," says Ole. "Dat's much too dangerous.
Dis is vare I draw da line." "Vell," says Sven, "you give me yust von
good reason vhy you von't go up on dat tower and yump off vit me."
"Ya, I give you a good reason," says Ole. "I came into dis vorld
because of a broken rubber and, by yimminy, I'm not going to leave it da
Submitted by Sandy
Well, Ole's vife Lena vas pregnant. So, he brought her to the
doctor. The doctor delivered the baby, a little boy, and the doctor
looked over at Ole and said, "Hey Ole, guy! You just had a son!"
Ole got excited by this, but just then the Doctor spoke up and said,
"Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little
girl. He said, "Yumpin yimminy! Ole, youse gots a daughter!"
Ole was kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor says,
"Hold on, we ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered another
boy. He said,"Ole, you bugger... you just had anudder boy! But Dats it!"
So, Ole and his wife went home with the three children. When they
got home, they began talking. Ole said, "Lena... you remember
We ran out of Vaseline and had ta use dat Tree-in-von Oil."
She said, "Yeah-hey!".
He said, "By cripes, it's a good ting we didn't use dat
Submitted by Sandy
Ole took Lena home with him and took off his
shirt. Lena says, " Ole dat's some chest you have dare. Ole says, " Lena,
dat's a hunnert
pounds of dynamite."
Next he took off his pants. Lena says, " Ole dat's nice calves you have
dare." Ole says, " Lena dat's a hunnert pounds of dynamite."
Ole quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants and Lena screamed
and ran out the door. Ole put his clothes back on and ran after her.
Catching her Ole said, " Lena, viy did you
run out like dat?"
Lena said, " Vit all dat dynamite around, I thought it was going
to explode when I saw how short da fuse was!"
Submitted by Sandy
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip
they were nearing Minneapolis ven Ole put his
hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said,"Ole,
you can go farder den dat if you vant to." So Ole
drove to Duluth.
Submitted by Sandy
Lena competed with a French woman and
an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English
Channel swim competition. The French woman came in first,
the English woman second. Lena reached the
shore completely exhausted. She remarked, "I don't vant to
complain, but I tink dose utter two girls used der arms."
Submitted by Sandy
VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Sven and Ole from Minnesota went fishing in Canada
and returned with only one fish. "The vay I figger it, dat
fish cost us $400" said Sven. "Vell," said
Ole, "At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch
Submitted by Sandy
One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she
had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his
habit of biting his nails. "Good gracious," said Hilda,
"How did yew ever dew that?" "It vas really simple,"
was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth."
Submitted by Sandy
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92
and Lena was 83. One evening they were sitting on the
porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted
Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex
relations?" he asked. "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,"
replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last
Submitted by Kelly
When you live in a region that has a lot of Scandinavian descendents, you
get little tidbits like this in your in-box:
Ve haf yust sent you da "NORVEGIAN VIRUS."
Since ve do not haf any programming experience and
do not know how to actually damage your computer,
dis virus verks on da honor system.
Please forward dis virus to eferyvone on your
mailing list and den manually delete all of da files
on your hard drive.
Tank you for your cooperation.
Sven and Ole
Submitted by Buffalo Jack
When Ole moved up north he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town
of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing venison
every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the
best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and
went over to talk to Ole, eventually persuading him to join their church.
The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said,
"Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled
some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"
Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime,
there was again that aroma of grilled deer steaks coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went
to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying: "You
were born a whitetail, you were raised a whitetail, and now," he said as he sprinkled
seasoning salt over the choice tenderloin cut,"now you are a walleye!"
Submitted by the Swansons
Ole took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an
Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll
ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink. If you
can't, then you buy ME one. Okay?" "Ja, dat sounds purty good," said
Ole. The Indian said, "My father and mother had
one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?" Ole
scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian. So Ole paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls Ole went into a bar and spotted one of his
cronies, "Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a qvestion, I
buy you a drink. If you can't, YOU have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven. "Okay . . my fadder and mudder had vun
child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?" "Search
me," said Sven. "I give up. Who vas it?" "It vas some Indian up in
Submitted by the Swansons
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persvaded her to
svitch to a clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars. "Vell," Ole answered,
"because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
The next bunch was submitted by Pam and Linda
Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to
the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and
couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy
a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to
the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to
pick up their newly purchased bull.
The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena
found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took
everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the
Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr.
Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just vunce?"
pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your
husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just
down the street."
At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords
can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word,"
the clerk answered. Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally
said, "OK, here's da message: "COMFORTABLE".
Ole the Norwegian and Sven the Swede lived on farms right across the border
from one another between Norway and Sweden. As boys they played together and
were the greatest of friends.
As they grew, they became aware of the thing about "being Norwegian" and
"being Swede", probably as a result of their relations talking about the
merits of being one or the other. Ole and Sven also, in a good natured way,
kidded each other through the years about the merits of being Norwegian or
This went on all their lives, but as time passed they started taking this
rivalry more seriously, and finally Ole passed some derogatory remark about
the mental deficiencies of the Swedes which pushed Sven past his point of
Said Sven: "By Gar, Ole, Ay vas born a Swede, Ay haff lived all my life a
Swede, and I am going to die a Swede!"
To which Ole said: " Ya, but Sven...ain't you got no ambition at all?"
Ole and Lena own a cafe. Their sign says "Please don't criticize da coffee,
sometime you may be old und veak too!"
*This song can be sung to the tune of "The Camptown Races"
Norskie ladies sing dis song....Uff Da! Uff Da!
Bake dat lefse all day long....All da uff da day
Gonna bake all day! Gonna bake all night! Ill spend my Kroner
on potatoes und flour to have me an Uff da day!
Vent to da store for some lutefisk....Uff Da! Uff Da!
Vether vas so cold und brisk....It vas an Uff Da day!
Used my lefse for a mackinaw....Uff Da! Uff Da!
Greatest yacket I ever saw....Lefse saved da day!
Vent down town in my Model T....Uff Da! Uff Da!
Tire vent flat und I said "poor me"....It was an Uff Da day!
Used my lefse for a patch....Uff Da! Uff Da!
Now I got to bake me anodder batch....All da Uff Da day!
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along
bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them the train entered a
long, dark tunnel.
"Have yew eaten your banana yet?" asked Ole, excitedly.
"Vell, no! replied Lars.
"Vell don't touch it den!!" Ole exclaimed. "I Just took vun bite and vent
Ole and Sven are the best of friends, and they have these 2 girls on the
string, Lena and Olga who live together in an apartment. One evening Ole and
Sven are sitting in the bar getting drunk, Ole turns to Sven and asks, "Ven
do you suppose dose girls are gonna make out vit us?" Sven says, "Donno, but
I'm drunk enuf, lets go ask em!". So off they go to the apartment where Ole
knocks on the door, Lena answers and says "Vell Ole and Sven, come on in!"
Ole no more than gets in the door when he says "Ve yust come to find out ven
you girls are gonna make out vit us"....Lena is upset by this and throws
them both out slamming the door on them. Ole is persistant, knocks on the
door again. Lena isn't stupid, knows it's Ole and says: "Ole if you are
gonna be so forward you'll have to talk through the keyhole". So Ole bends
to the keyhole and asks "Ven you girls gonna make out vit us?" Lena is
really upset now she drops her pants backs up to the keyhole and breaks
wind...Ole is backing up and shaking his head, Sven says: "Vell Ole vat did
she say?" Ole says: "Vell, I tink she said TOOOSDAY...but her breath is bad
and I'm not askin again."
Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he
walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said
"Boat For Sale." This confused Sven because he knew
that Ole didn't own a boat, so he finally decided to go
in and ask Ole about it.
"Hey Ole," said Sven, "I noticed da sign in your yard
dat says 'Boat For Sale,' but ya don't even have a boat.
All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and
Ole replied, "Yup, and they're boat for sale."
It's that time of year again, and Sven and Ole face
the nasty chore of cleaning out the old out house.
Sven, though, has been thinking about how to make
the job a little easier this year, so he suggests
that they might use some dynamite placed and timed
Sven and Ole get some dynamite and they place some
of it around the base of the out house, and light
the fuse for it. Then they quickly light the fuse
for the rest of it and drop it down the hole. Of
course, at this point the run for cover.
As they sit protected from their plans, Lena bursts
out through the kitchen door and runs straight into
the out house. Before Sven and Ole can do anything
to stop her, their plans go into motion.
"Boom!!!" The first half of the dynamite goes off
and lifts the out house, and poor Lena, some thirty
feet off the ground.
"Ka-Boom!!" The rest of the dynamite explodes and
quickly clears out the underground chamber.
A few seconds later, the out house comes down and
lands neatly back into place.
Lena stumbles out a bit shaken and says:
"Uffda!! Itz a gut ting I dint do dat in da Kitchen!"
Sven and Ole heard of an organization that would pay $5000 for every live
wolf. They hunted for days, up and down mountains. One night, they fell
asleep around their campfire. In the middle of the night, Ole woke up and
saw they were surrounded 50 hungry, ferocious wolves. He said to Sven, "Wake
us Sven, We're rich!"
Sven and Ole go deer hunting and Ole accidentally shoots Sven. Sven manages
to get Ole out of the woods and drives him to the emergency room. After a
while, the doctor comes out to Sven in the waiting room.
"Doctor, is my friend going to be alright? I drove as fast as I could."
"You know, Sven, we might have had a chance if you didn't take the time to
prepare him and tie him to the hood of your car."
A Sven and Ole go duck hunting and Ole is very excited to show off his new
hunting dog. They are out in their duck hunting boat and a couple of ducks
fly over. They fire and a duck them drops. Ole sends his retriever out to
get the duck. The dog jumps out of the boat and runs across the water picks
up duck and hops back into the boat. And much to Ole's dismay, Sven doesn't
Another couple of ducks fly over. They shoot and another duck falls. Ole
sends his dog out again. The dog again runs across the water, picks up the
duck, and runs back and hops into the boat. Still, Sven doesn't say a word.
This happens several more times and finally Ole smugly says, "So Sven, do
you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"Ja, he can't swim."
Ole and his brother Sven were working for the city. One would dig a hole,
he would dig, dig, dig, the other would come behind him and fill the hole,
fill, fill, fill. These two brothers worked furiously. One digging a hole,
the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and
couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand
what they were doing. Finally he just had to ask them. He said to the hole
digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are
you doing? You dig a hole and your brother comes behind you and fills it up
again!" Ole replied, "Oh yeah, must look kinda funny, but Al, the guy who
plants the trees, is sick today."
Submitted by Garry
OLE AND SVEN WENT TO CANCUN FOR SPRING BREAK TO PICK UP SOME GIRLS.
OLE WAS HAVING A GRAND TIME, GETTING GIRLS LEFT AND RIGHT. THIS WAS
FRUSTRATING FOR SVEN, HE WAS GETTING NONE.
SVEN ASKED OLE HIS SECRET FOR GETTING BABES. OLE SAID HE WOULD SIMPLY PLACE
A BANANA IN HIS SWIMMING SUIT. SVEN THOUGHT THIS WAS A GREAT IDEA, AND WOULD
DO THE SAME THING THE NEXT DAY AT THE BEACH.
SVEN PLACE THE BANANA IN HIS SWIMMING SUIT, AND HE STILL COULD NOT PICK UP A
GIRL, VERY UPSET BY THIS HE WENT AND FOUND OLE ON THE BEACH, AND SAID "I
DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WRONG, I DID JUST LIKE YOU SAID, AND PUT A BANANA
IN MY SWIMMING SUIT, AND NOTHING, NO GIRLS".
OLE REPLIED BACK TO SVEN " YOU PUT THE BANANA IN THE FRONT OF YOUR SUIT,
NOT THE BACK".
Submitted by Jean-Emmanuel Galhaut-Drime
From: "Jean-Emmanuel Galhaut-Drime"
Subject: Re: Vikings Mania Newsletter 4/26/01 more signees!
Date: Thursday, April 26, 2001 3:48 AM
firstname.lastname@example.org a dit:
> P.S. Does any one out there have any Sven and Ole jokes?
Guess U already have this one, but still :
Ole & Sven died and went to hell. The devil walked by and
they were sitting their with their winter coats still on.
The devil asked, "Aren't you hot?" Ole replied, "Nah, you
need to remember dat ve is from Minnesota where it is very
cold, this feels very gute to us."
This infuriated the devil and he turned the heat up 200
The next day the devil again passed by and there were Ole
and Sven with their winter coats still on! The devil again
asked, "Aren't you hot?"
Sven replied, "Nah, you need to remember dat ve is from
Minnesota where it is very, very cold, the heat is good for
our muscles and soothes da aches and pains."
This infuriated the devil even more and he turned the heat
up to the maximum temperature!
When the devil walked past Ole and Sven the next day, there
they were, their winter coats were now unzipped, but still
The devil screamed at them, "Aren't you hot with your winter
Both Ole and Sven replied, "Nah, you need to remember dat ve
is from Minnesota where it is always very cold, this is very
nice for us."
The devil was determined to make them suffer. He decided to
punish Ole and Sven by making hell colder than Minnesota.
He turned the furnaces of hell completely off and it became
very, very cold. Ice hung from the caverns of hell, frost
When the devil approached Ole and Sven they could be seen
jumping up and down and cheering and giving each other high
The devil could not believe this. He asked them, "Now it is
colder than Minnesota - how can you be happy?
Ole and Sven replied, "Ve were always told dat when hell
freezes over, da Vikings would win da super bowl!"
Submitted by Lisa
Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends.
One day Ole started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools.
Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom.
To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on.
"Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?" Ole asked.
"Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's vhy," answered Lena.
"Vat are you talking about," said Ole as he opened the closet door and began counting:
"Vun dress, two dress, tree dress, four dress, Lars, five dress...
Submitted by Eric 7/22/10
Sven is leaning against the fence in his yard when who comes along but Ole. Now Ole is
covered with what looks like dung, and just looks a mess. Sven is kind of wondering what
happened, so he says, "He Ole, are you covered with dung?" Ole just shook his head and
said, "Vell you know you just vudn’t believe it. I vas in town doing some sight seeing,
and just ven I vas heading to da bus stop to come back home, I passed by a hat store.
In da vindow I see a beeoootiful green beret. I couldn’t help myself and walked right
into dat store and bought dat ting right outta da vindow. Vudn’t you know it, I spent
so much on dat beret dat I didn’t have enough money left to buy a bus ticket, so I had
to start valking back home." Sven looked Ole up and down and said, "But how does buying
a new green beret get dung all over you?" Ole said, "Vell if you don’t get your pants in
a bunch I’ll tell ya!" He went on, "Vell I’d valked about a mile or so down the road ya
know, and was just passing the Knudsen's pasture, ven up comes a big vind and blows my
new green beret clean offa my head and vay into da pasture. I climbed over dat fence as
quick as could be, and had to push tru a bunch of dos cows of his just to see where my
beret might have landed. Do you know I had to try on 27 of dos tings before I finally
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